Dear Optimist

Dear Optimist,That’s not a light at the end of the tunnel, that’s a train.
Sincerely,
Pessimist

not about waiting

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain

What is Tension?

A beautiful girl asks lift from you. On the way she faints and you
take her to hospital.
Doctor says ‘Congrats. You are going to become a father.’

THAT’S IT. YOU GET TENSED.
You say – ‘But that baby is not mine.’
Girl says – ‘he is only the father of my baby.’

YOU HAVE MORE TENSION.
Police comes and DNA test is done. Report comes. Which says that you
can never become a father.

EVEN MORE TENSION FOR YOU.
Anyhow you thank God and return home. Then you think, “At home I
have 2 kids. Whose are those?”

THIS IS REAL TENSION

some tips to catch LION

Newton 's Method:
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.. Implies you caught lion.

Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.

Software Engineer Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.

Indian Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .

Manirathnam Method (director):
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.
Keep murmuring something in its ears. The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.

Karan Johar Method (director):
Send a lioness into the forest. Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.
Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion. First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness. But 2nd lioness loves both lions. Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.You don't understand right... ok.... read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!

Yash Chopra method (director):
Take the lion to Australia or US... and kill it in a good scenic location.

Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.

Ravi Shastri method:
ask the lion to bowl at u.. U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run Lion tired and surrenders ,,......

Note: the message extracted from my mailbox credits to original creator - get the mailer here

Girl can break all kind of relation...

The best relation  ever is between two eyes,
"they blink together, move together, cry together,
see together and sleep together". Still they never see directly at each other. But when they see a girl, one will blink and another will not. Moral of the story: Girl can break all kind of relationships.

Best conversation you ever had

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.

Type writer long in one row

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says........ .. "HEBREWS"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

A Mom & Three Daughters...

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters.They were all getting married within a short time period i.e. in younger age, Because of this Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding, the card said nothing but "Nescafe"!, Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar, It said: "Good till the last drop”. Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read "Rothmans" , Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the pack "Extra Long, King Size". She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in Cape Town. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting(why shaky???) were the words "South African Airways", Mom took out her latest magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for SAA. The ad said: "Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways." Mom fainted!, Now she came with the answer for shaky.....!

Don't spend too much time sitting before system.

Otherwise the following things may happen in your future.
Take care.

When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When you are counting objects, you go 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D....
When you dream, you are going to dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
When your wife says "If you don't turn off that damn machine and come to sleep, then I am going to divorce you!", you are going to scream at her for omitting the "else" clause.
You try to sleep, and think sleep(8 * 3600); /* sleep for 8 hours */
When you are reading a book, you would look for the scroll bar to get to the next page.
If you want to call somebody you pick up the phone and start dialling n IP number...
You are going to look for an icon to double-click, to open your bedroom window.
When you go to balance your check book, you would discover that you'll be doing the math in octal.
You would look for a trash can icon to throw garbage.
When you get in the elevator you would double-click the button for the floor you want to go.

Condoms Vs famous big Companies

Check out what happens to the punch line when all the famous big Companies,Produce CONDOMS:

MRF Condoms - Extra Rubber Extra Mileage.
Panama Condoms - Nothing Between You and Me.
Dunlop Condoms - Extra Wide Extra Grip.
Duracell Condoms - Longer Lasting.
Kelvinator Condoms - Its The Coolest One.
Videocon Condoms - Bring Home The Leader.
Philips Condoms - Lets Make Things Better.
Onida Condoms - Neighbours Envy, Owners Pride.
Ceat Condoms - Born Tough.
Amul Condoms - A Gift For SomeOne you Love.
Visa Condoms - Go Get It.
Polo Condoms - A Condom With A Hole.
Nokia Condoms - Connecting People.
Minto-o - Whole Condom.
L&T Condom - We Make The Condom Which Makes India Proud.
Emirates Condom - Even time flies on Condom.
Liption Condom - Good to the last drop.
British Airways - Twice daily both ways condom.
NIIT Condom - If you are not using it you are missing something.

Signs of behavior ....

Often thinking of you means I CARE FOR YOU
Holding hands means I LIKE YOU
Looking into the eyes means DO YOU LOVE ME?
Squeezing fingertips means I WANT A KISS
Leaning on the shoulder means COMFORT ME
Getting occasional short hugs means : I MISS YOU
Biting lips means I AM JEALOUS
Winking at you means I WANT TO GO WITH YOU
Playing with your hair means I ADORE YOU
Stepping on toes means I HATE YOU
Getting hit in "very painful places" means : I REALLY HATE YOU
Dreaming of you at night YOU'RE SOMEONE SPECIAL
Always being with you means I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU
Wearing his or her ring means YOU'RE MINE FOREVER
Often giving you something means CARE FOR YOU VERY MUCH
Placing hands on shoulder means GET THE HINT STUPID !!!
Such signs are not applicable to overly MARRIED COUPLES but can be applicable to PARTIALLY MARRIED, GEOGRAPHICAL BACHELORS/SPINSTERS and TOTALLY SINGLE or HORNY individuals. Warning : When MIS-READ, can lead to BURST EGO, BODILY HARM, TERMINATION OF FUTURE GENERATION or INTIMATE CONTACT with the LEGAL BODY.
-Author:UNKNOWN

* Author of the above contents of this post is UNKNOWN and it was retrieved from long ago mails/data's stored*

Definition for Kiss

KISS on the hand means FRIENDSHIP.
KISS on the nose means YOU'RE CUTE.
KISS on the cheek means I NEED YOU.
KISS on the neck means I WANT YOU.
KISS on the lips means I LOVE YOU.
Kissing with eyes closed means I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU.
Kissings with eyes opened means I'M WATCHING WHERE YOUR HANDS ARE GOING.
The military KISS means ..... "Keep It Simple Stupid" ...
Stolen kisses ARE THE SWEETEST! (Always want to return it)
Moral of the story is ...
Its not WHO you are KISSING
but WHERE you're KISSING that matters.....

I'll love you till the end of time.........

You bring happiness to my life.

When I'm with you, nothing else seems to matter.

You are always there to care.

We are made for each other.

You are my passion, my desire.

You are the sunshine of my life.

Time stands still, when I am with you.

You turn on, the desire.

I feel at ease-in your arms.

My love for you grows more with each day.

Day or night, we'll always be together.

I hold your love deep within my heart.

Your love makes my life more worthwhile.

Life is full of fun with you.

I share my innermost feelings with you.

Love makes our heart beat as one.

I have you, as my love, forever.

Your love, has given me beautiful dreams.

We share one passion, that's love.

Love is anticipating a beautiful tomorrow, together.

I can be myself, when I'm, with you.

Your love is, a priceless treasure for me.

I fell secure in your arms.

When I look into your eyes, I find myself.

I feel your presence, all around me.

Darling, you are simply irresistible.

Darling, you hold the key to my heart.

You are the best thing, that's ever happened to me.

Your little gestures of care show your love.

I explore myself and my love in your eyes.

You bring to me, joys beyond measure.

Your love is what I long for, always.

I feel delighted to recall the day, when we first met.

We look great together.

Your love drives me crazy.

Your love takes me to a wonderful world of dreams.

You are always there by my side.

You are the theme, for all my dreams.

You fill my life, with the fragrance of love.

I enjoy being with you.

You make me feel, like I have never felt before.

Our love makes us a great pair.

I want to lose myself in you, forever.

You make me feel special.

I cherish the memories, of our togetherness.

I want to spend my whole life with you.

Your love is, all that I desire.

I can depend upon you, always.

You mean everything to me.

You are my life, my destiny.

With you, by my side, I feel full of life and vigor.

My love for you grows everyday.

Together we can face all odds of life.

You ignite me, with your love.

Your warm embrace is all that I need.

You are my strength, my guide.

I feel your presence, around me always.

Being with you is all I want to do.

When I am with you, my heart skips a beat.

My love, I'll love you till eternity.

You make my life complete.

I'll love you till the end of time.

Some Facts about Boys And Girls..

Enjoy the Difference.
If boy laughs, He is MANNERLESS
If girl does so, she is JOLLY.
If a boy talks to much,he is CHATTERBOX,
If a girl does so she is WITTY.
If boy loves silence,he is DULL,
If a girl loves it,she is SERIOUS.
If boy looks at a girl he STARES,
If a girl looks at a boy, she gives GLANCE.
If a boy wears a unique dress,he is a JOKER,
If a girl does so, it's a FASHION.
If boys move together,they form a GANG,
If girls do so, they form a GROUP.
If a boy initiates a conversation, he is FLIRTING,
If girl does so,she is INTERESTED.

Different kinds of person's thought over the sentence....

If you love someone, Set her free... If she comes back, she's yours, If she doesn't, it was never meant to be....

Pessimist: If you love someone, Set her free ... If she ever comes back, she's yours, If she doesn't, as expected, she never was. Whatever gave you the idea that she would anyway?

Optimist: If you love someone, Set her free ... Don't worry, she'll come back.

Suspicious: If you love someone, Set her free ... If she ever comes back, ask her why.

Impatient: If you love someone, Set her free ... If she doesn't come back within a week forget it.

Patient: If you love someone, Set her free ... If she doesn't come back put your life on hold and sit and wait.

Playful: *If you love someone, Set her free ... If she comes back, and if you love her still, set her free again, repeat*

Animal-Rights Activist: If you love someone, Set her free, In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!

Lawyers: If you love someone, Set her free, Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a -1 in the second amendment of theMatrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that...

Software Engineer : If you love someone, Set her free, If she comes back, I think we can charge her for re-installation fees and tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.

Biologist : If you love someone, Set her free, She'll evolve.

Over possessive person: If you love someone, don' set her free.